I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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