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theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
