dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
