I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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