The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
