I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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