life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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