I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
