i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
