saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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