He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
