then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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