never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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