I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
