Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
