I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
