I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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