Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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