I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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