smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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