I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
