I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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