Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
