just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
