This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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