I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
