u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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