his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
