I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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