we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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