I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
This girl is more easily done than said...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
