Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
