You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize