She said her name was "party"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
