Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
