Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
