My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
