just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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