maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
