That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
