I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
