so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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