If i come over, it means nothing
We're facebook friends in real life
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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