so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
