seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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