why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
