You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
