I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
