Dual....:-)
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
