Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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