If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
