Sry I called you an 8
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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