i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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