Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
