I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
